try logging to blogger but failed like at least 5 times.
so this entry is gonna be a long one.

having no idea wad to study really bothers me a hell lots of time.
i just got all tense up and stress all of a sudden.
to choose hotel and casino managment or just hotel management?
my first instincts is to take up the hotel and casino management,
i've told hel about it and she had the same thoughts as me.
i've tell myself so many times that this time round,
i'm gonna study real hard and stop playing a like fool.
i keep reassuring myself that i'll be fine with tat course,
tat i'm gonna make it and get myself a diploma and dun let my family down.
but wad worries me is that,
i'm not sure whether i'm up to it or not,
i'm not sure if i can really cope with it
and lastly, i really have no confidence in myself.
i've been really moody last night and dear asked me wad i'm stressing over.
i told him about it and he said, " since you already plan to study le, wad's to stress about?"
i doubt he knows how i feels right inside.
so again, we nearly had an arguement because i've been in a daze and feeling so sian.
and of course the main problem is that,
i'm scare we'll drift apart since we will be in different schools,
as i've mention in my last entry,
the school schedules is so packed that i'm pretty sure he wun have time for me.
or am i just worrying too much?

sometimes, i asked myself," why can't he understands how i feels?"
it just seems that we can't communicate very well..
he expects me to be just straight forward and not beat about in the bush,
but not all things can be like say straight into the person's face.
he told me he cannot be sensative since he's like tat since young ; i accept it.
but haii. i really dunno how to say...
sometimes i just need that extra care and attention from him.
i dun expect much, just a little will do.


why is it that promises are made and meant to be break?
why bother to apologise when the next time round history repeats again?
disappointments rush through me everytime a promise is make, yet it's not fulfilled.
i would rather have you not promise me anything,
and when u actually done it, i'll be more happy.
i dun wan to feel sad all the time...
ytd i asked dear what he dislike about me,
he went on telling me tat,
i should be more independent;
i should have more confident in myself
and that i shouldn't be like do things with him around only.
i guess he is right.
i just depend on him alot..
maybe i should learn to get things done on my own?
time really goes by very fast.


i have been together with dear for a year and 8 months.
through all these while we went through alot.
the hardships when he is in ns, the happiness we felt, the sorrows and woes we shared and the list just goes on.
i remember when the 1st time i know him through a matual friend,
he didn't leave a good impression on my mind.
i was thinking, " another ah beng flirty guy."
i even tell hel i will never fell in love with him!!!
but after a few months of constant smses with him,
we became pretty close and started to have late night talks almost everyday.
we shared our laughters, tears, happiness and sorrows with each other.
i know he is the one.
and after these months after months with him,
though he ain't sensative,
not the romantic sweet talker,
another typical big boy who doesn't expresses him feelings well,
i dun regret being with him.
it really takes alot of time to build up a strong relationship.
i'm trying very hard to make my relationship a long lasting and lovey dovey one.
in other words,
i really can't live without him in my life.



A MESSAGE TO MY ONE AND ONLY.

baby,

we have come so far and i believe we are still going strong.
as you can see,
my love for you stays strong and true.
we may tend to have small arguments and quarrels once in a while,
but i'm glad we sort things out and back to the same again.
i may not be the perfect gf you wanted.
i'm trying hard to be one.
i may sound very mushy but wad i'm gonna tell you
are wad i'm feeling right from the bottom of my heart.

just wanna tell you this,

promises i've made to you i'll keep it close to my heart,
through thick and thin,
through good and bad times,
remember there's still me here all along with you,
to share your burdens,
to share your happiness,
to accompany you walk through the rest of your life.


loving you with my heart,
till the end of time. <3

just came back from work like half an hour ago?
suppose to work from 6pm to 10pm one,
den katherine ask me to replace her for 2 hours so i went in to work earlier.
den thought i can go back at 10pm den jason ask me to extend for him another 2 hours.
luckily i got take half an hour de break or really can die one...=/

yesterday went to the study and work talk with dear at NTUC centre.
there were like at least 10 security guards in the building.
and dear and i need to key in our nric no to get through.
even the lift inside also have a mini tv lah, damn high tech!
i find all these very bo liao la,
i mean hello? it's just a talk, but why are we going through so much for nothing?
den nvm, the talk alot of ppl attend lor.
ppl from 20 plus all the way to at least 50 or 60 plus.
many of us had to stand throughout the talk cos the seats are full.
this talk was conducted by a guy who have alot diplomas or wadever he have la.
he crap alot lah. talk those unrelated topics,
it's a complete waste of time la.
and will ppl use ya ya ya at the end of every sentence if he/she have perfect english?
unfortunately, tat guy was acting ang moh or whoever he wants la,
oh please, he look like a security guard more den someone who had lots of diplomas la.
tat's my point of view, cos i just dun like him and hence,
i dun see a need to listen to him though i admit some are really facts la.
dear thought i'm also going to have interviews with the consultants but i'm not joining harriet business school.
first, my aunt said the course is too much for me to cope.
secondly, the fees are really expensive.
thirdly, partly because i dun wanna waste their hard earned money again.
den boy and i had a slight argument bout the schools thingy,
it's not tat i dun wanna study with him,
i can't afford to like waste any more money le...
boy was quite fed up with me lah,
but thankfully, we are fine after some cooling down.
so we sit down at a table under my block and we had a really good talk over this school matter.
we talk for at least an hour trying to solve our problems,
dear really enlightened me alot.
he make me realised i had to study double times harder den other ppl.
he make me know tat we are striving hard now for a good life in future.
stories after stories, i've heard bout his friend,
from a EM3 student to study ite follow by poly and uni,
he is a giordano manager now with good pay, i tink.
another friend of his, who is a ah beng,is a manager of k box now who earns 4000 plus.
he's like saying, my friends all pai kias can do it, and you a guai guai nu why cannot do it?
i find it so true as in why ppl can do but why i can't?
i've sorted things out, i thought about it the whole of last night,
i understand, finally.
dear and i need not be studying in the same school but we still striving hard for our future.
well, dear most pro will be going to harriet business school which i'll take boston business scool instead.
i can't be depending alot on my boy anymore, i have to learn to be independent.
and there's a quote which says, " absence makes the hearts grew fonder"!!!!
i dun wanna disappoint my family and my dear boy le.
but i still dunno which course to take la.... damn confusing can?
fickled minded, just dunno wad i wants exactly..=s

the night is getting darker.
the night is so quiet.
here i am, all alone,
saying good night to all. =)

work had occupied most of my time recently.
i got no time to sleep and yes,
dark eye rings and breakouts had since become more visible.

boy and i plan to study together ever since when he's still in ns.
we went looking for schools and eventually found 2.
1 is harriet business school while the other is boston business school.
actually we plan to study CTHCM diploma in hotel and casino managment. you see, the admission requirements is just having a good secondary education, i guess i can go in without any problems and it cost cheaper with 6 months theory and 6 months job training, having classes from monday to friday and have 3 different timing you can choose from which is about 3 hours per day, they will pay you for the job training but it's 500 to 700 per month and the school fees cost about 4ooo plus.
as for harriet business school, it's a course call advanced diploma in travel, tourism and hospitality which means, diploma in 1 year's time in which 1 studying day from 9.30am to 9.30pm , the others will be job training, and yeah, they give you basic pay of 1500 per month, but the school fees is like 15,000 for just diploma, as for degree will be another charges.

boy's mum wants him to study in harriet business school as she said it's more recognised and they have more experiences gained.
my aunt advice me to take boston business school instead cos it's easier for me to cope.
how to study together when we are totally different schools?
boy said most probabely he will be studying at harriet but because we are going for a talk tonight so he say shall see how first.
boy can easily study there cos at least he had a o level,
but i had to go through interview and let them decide whether i'm up to it den can approved.
i'm really very confused now.
boy and i even had a arguement over this matter.
why must things turn out to be like this?
i really need someone there to push and motivate me...
i really want to study with him.
i dun want to waste my aunt's money.
i really really want to study...

enough of tat,
i hate talking bout sad stuffs.
anyway, there's a ton of pics rite at the top,
the pics were taken when i'm out with hel, ling, my 2 sisters and boy on different days.
i got my wish grant cos dear took me to the funfair!!
we only play the fero wheel and sky rider cos just like tat,
it cost us 30 bucks in all. =(
but i must say it's worth it lah.
sky rider was really scary as you go round and round,
getting higher from the ground and it swings faster den i had imagined.
i was screaming my heads off while boy was enjoying and shouting whoo hoo beside me.
fero wheel was good,
when it first goes up, i got scare cos it's right at the top of the fero wheel,
but after a few rounds, it become so nice when you can see the whole of the funfair right beneath you!
boy and 1 had at least 10 rides for that.
it just goes round and round and makes my poor boy feeling giddy and uneasy,
he just got well and despite that he still feels unwell,
he make an effort to accompany me. =)
took some pics with boy as you can see right above this.
oh ya, saw this couple on the merry go round,
they were so sweet la. awfully sweet!
they were sitting on a diff horse, holding hands throughout and looking at each other for god dunno how long!
i was like hinting boy saying," dear, they very sweet lea!"
but i doubt he gets my hint and say they very drama.
it's romantic and sweet though it looks kind of dramatic.
after a while, dear whsiper to my ear saying, " they are lesbians la."
i turned and realised the "guy" is actually a gal too.
but who cares. they are so sweet. =D

went to work ytd.
was so lonely for the 7 hours since neither sihui or ting was working.
and times passes very slowly lah. really can die.
i finish reading the cleo magazine and the time is not up yet.
i got a strange encounter just before i got off from work.
this cust by the name of norazza called and give me a really strange number starting from 0 and the list goes on more den 8 digits like our sinagpore number,
so i think nothing of that and asked her for a local number.
so she give me mount elizabeth hospital number and of course the postal code plus the full address as in wad room she's in, which ward which level.
took her order and before i very confirm her orders,
the line got cut off.
so i called back the hospital number given by her.
so i tell the person on the other line regarding wad's going on
and after she check, she say no such person by the name of norazza.
so she tranfer my call to a nurse, so again, i tell her the whole story,
she check for me and again said there's nobody by the name of that and wad freaks me out is she said the room was empty!!!!
i know i didn't heard anything wrongly from the cust.
she said it's level 5, ward 6B and room number 5327.
the nurse asked me if i had gotten the wrong numbers and all,
so after thanking her, i faster tell jason wad's going on la.
and he joke say maybe it's a prank call by a ghost!
i hope wad he said wasn't true though.
i didn't send the order over since there's no such person.
this whole thing is weird yeah?
i was thinking if this was a prank call,
why the cust is so sure bout the hospital no, the room number, ward and level? she didn't take a long time to tell me her address lea.
ohhh well, never mind. =s

watch 2 movies with boy recently.
300 and the haunted school.
300 was a fantastic show though there were a lot of killings, blood, head being cut off and sex.
i thought the enemy looks like one of the character in street fighter!
you know the one with long hands and long legs?
the enemy look so much him him!
boy was laughing his head off when i tell him bout it.
the haunted school wasn't a good show, or so i thought.
there were some parts which is really scary la but after the show,
i dun even know understand the ending.
quite a stupid show but i like one of the guy in tat with a ping di tou.
he is so so so cute la!!!! he's name is dunno wad tian you one.

one last thing before i end my entry for today.
after our work ting and i meet up with hel.
on the way back in bus 72,
these 2 bangalas gt up the bus and sit opp ting's place.
ting was wearing a short pants tat day and those 2 bangalas keep on staring and talking among themselves.
hel and i were sitting right behind ting and we saw everything.
i was staring hard at the stupid bangala sitting on the outside,
but he still keep on looking at tings legs.
so i pass my big bag to ting to cover her legs,
but wad the fcuk when that pervertic bangala was still staring at her!!!!
he just keep on turning and look at ting, he even take one last look before he alight lor!!!
wad's the hell wrong with these bangalas!!!!
they were here to work and not to stare at girls!!!!
at that moment i really wish i can gorge out his eyes and play ping pong!
hel was saying luckily he never touch his there whe he's looking lor or else it damn gross lah. wth.
so hel and i were saying if he really grabs his there,
we gonna pull it long and break it and swing it in the air and hitting his face hard with his own " ahem" !!!!!!!!!!!
hel and i were laughing really hard lah.
it's damn funny but hey,
we were just imagining la,
who ask him to be so pervert!!!!!!!!!
this also teach gals a lesson: never wear too skimpy and revealing clothes!
you might not know a million pair of eyes were " molesting" you!!!!

tat's all for today.
it's a long entry which can make up for the past few days when i didn't blog.
work from 3pm to 10 pm tomolo again and after tat,
no work for me!!!!!!!!!!!!

it's so sad that i couldn't see my boy today.
dunno wad the heck but my mother was in a fcuking bad mood today.
i miss him. and i mean i really miss him hell lots.
was glad that he got better after taking some meds.=))

boy gonna meet his friends tomolo to go register together.
still not comfirm bout the schools yet.
but with his last time's school results, i tink shouldn't be a problem for him.
i wanted to study together with him, hence with just n level results,
i doubt i can study in MDIS.
i'm worried i can't get in...
i really wanted to study, just just because with dear,
but also for my own future la.
you can't expect me to work as a operator for life rite?
i regret.
simply regret for not making an effort to study hard like my friends do.
prays hard i can study with boy*

will be bringing both sisters to seng kang to cut hair.
follow by meeting hel, ling at the fun fair.
dunno who will be going but both my sisters wanna go la.
we want to play challenger, mo tian lun...
suppose it to be a fun day tomolo!

dear, when are we going to zoo? =D

i'm feeling super moody and hurt.
how can my grandmother said such hurtful words to me when i didn't purposely do it?
the words she said stabs me hard in my heart...
i respect her for who she is and why can't she leaves my pride alone?
i cried badly, at least for a good 10 to 15 mins.
i just can't stop crying , my heart aches like hell.
i just can't get those words out of my mind,
it just keeps on going on and on,
yes, i know i had to respect her but pls,
i'm make of blood and i can feels.
though it might seems nothing to her but it really really hurts me,
anybody understands how i'm feeling rite now?
i feel so unwanted and unloved.
it's extremely terrible. i hate it.

i wish boyfriend is right beside me now,
hugging him makes me feel really secure.
although he's not with me but the sms he sent me after i tell him i feel so unloved makes me feels so fortunate to have him.
he said,
nobody support, i will. no one loves you, i do.
he is so so sweet can?
tat's the reason why i love him so damn much! =D


i feel bad for not taking over ting's shifts.
but i really hate working night shifts now.
i dunno wad the heck makes me feel this way.
and i dunno why sitel now wants contract le lor.
damn irritating lah.
cos when ppl can't make it,
they have to find high and low just for replacements,
to make it even worse,
nobody is available!!!!!
i really dun like the system la.
it sucks, totally!

maybe meeting boyfriend tomolo.
he's asking me to decide again.
hate making plans and decisions.
i'm just too lazy to think! =p

check my schedule and i dun have any work slots!!!
WTH?

• i want to go to zoo/night safari with baby and my darling friends.
• i want to go escape and play water splash, panasonic and with boy.
• i want to go to the euro fun fair before it ends on 18th march.
• i want to have porridge at kovan late at night.
• i want to eat pizzas, spring chicken with boy/friends.
• i want to go cycling with boy at east coast.
• i want to study with boy when he ord.
• i want a digital camera to take lots of pics.
• i want my sister's nokia 7390.
• i want to be rich with endless money to use.=p
• i want to be a better friend.
• i want to be slimmer.
• i want to go party world with hel and ling.
• i want to have late night talks with the girls.
• i want to be happy. i dun wanna be a crybaby.
• i want to get married. ( i know i'm mad) =p

feeling so bored now.

i miss my dear boy. =(

suppose to work from 4pm to 8pm today.
but suddenly feel damn unwell..
so yeah, approach alvin and tell him,
so thankful to alvin and jane who are so understanding,
i dun need mc to go back early which jane approve.
so sweet. =)
take 2 extra strong panadols down and i'm feeling better,
didn't take a rest cos i can't get to sleep though i'm ill.
it's a pity tat i can't go cycling with boy tomolo. =(
but dear said we will go once i've recovered! =)

read hel's blog and feeling very bad now.
she told me not to be angry after reading,
well, i'm not the least angry but feels damn guilty.
every sentence that she mention are true.
i've always been a bad friend,
and i know i can never be a good friend.
i'm always so selfish, so self centred and i dun care how my friends feels.
friends around me had been tolerating my unbearable demands and stubbron character.
i know they care,
i know they meant well,
but just like wad hel said,
i take things for granted.

i wanted to be a good friend too.

but i can never be one.....

dear friends,
thanks for tolerating my temper and nonsenses.
thanks for all the care and concern.
thanks for being there for me when i needed you.
thanks for protecting me even though i'm older ( by a few months)
thanks for treating me like a princess.
thanks for all your supports and encouragements.
thanks for giving in to me all the time.
thanks for being such great friends.

you people have been great friends....
pardon me for being a bad friend.
i love you all. =D

have been working for the past 5 days for good.