WHEN NOTHING ELSE MATTERS

Monday, March 26, 2007

try logging to blogger but failed like at least 5 times.
so this entry is gonna be a long one.

having no idea wad to study really bothers me a hell lots of time.
i just got all tense up and stress all of a sudden.
to choose hotel and casino managment or just hotel management?
my first instincts is to take up the hotel and casino management,
i've told hel about it and she had the same thoughts as me.
i've tell myself so many times that this time round,
i'm gonna study real hard and stop playing a like fool.
i keep reassuring myself that i'll be fine with tat course,
tat i'm gonna make it and get myself a diploma and dun let my family down.
but wad worries me is that,
i'm not sure whether i'm up to it or not,
i'm not sure if i can really cope with it
and lastly, i really have no confidence in myself.
i've been really moody last night and dear asked me wad i'm stressing over.
i told him about it and he said, " since you already plan to study le, wad's to stress about?"
i doubt he knows how i feels right inside.
so again, we nearly had an arguement because i've been in a daze and feeling so sian.
and of course the main problem is that,
i'm scare we'll drift apart since we will be in different schools,
as i've mention in my last entry,
the school schedules is so packed that i'm pretty sure he wun have time for me.
or am i just worrying too much?

sometimes, i asked myself," why can't he understands how i feels?"
it just seems that we can't communicate very well..
he expects me to be just straight forward and not beat about in the bush,
but not all things can be like say straight into the person's face.
he told me he cannot be sensative since he's like tat since young ; i accept it.
but haii. i really dunno how to say...
sometimes i just need that extra care and attention from him.
i dun expect much, just a little will do.

why is it that promises are made and meant to be break?
why bother to apologise when the next time round history repeats again?
disappointments rush through me everytime a promise is make, yet it's not fulfilled.
i would rather have you not promise me anything,
and when u actually done it, i'll be more happy.
i dun wan to feel sad all the time...
ytd i asked dear what he dislike about me,
he went on telling me tat,
i should be more independent;
i should have more confident in myself
and that i shouldn't be like do things with him around only.
i guess he is right.
i just depend on him alot..
maybe i should learn to get things done on my own?
time really goes by very fast.

i have been together with dear for a year and 8 months.
through all these while we went through alot.
the hardships when he is in ns, the happiness we felt, the sorrows and woes we shared and the list just goes on.
i remember when the 1st time i know him through a matual friend,
he didn't leave a good impression on my mind.
i was thinking, " another ah beng flirty guy."
i even tell hel i will never fell in love with him!!!
but after a few months of constant smses with him,
we became pretty close and started to have late night talks almost everyday.
we shared our laughters, tears, happiness and sorrows with each other.
i know he is the one.
and after these months after months with him,
though he ain't sensative,
not the romantic sweet talker,
another typical big boy who doesn't expresses him feelings well,
i dun regret being with him.
it really takes alot of time to build up a strong relationship.
i'm trying very hard to make my relationship a long lasting and lovey dovey one.
in other words,
i really can't live without him in my life.

A MESSAGE TO MY ONE AND ONLY.

baby,

we have come so far and i believe we are still going strong.
as you can see,
my love for you stays strong and true.
we may tend to have small arguments and quarrels once in a while,
but i'm glad we sort things out and back to the same again.
i may not be the perfect gf you wanted.
i'm trying hard to be one.
i may sound very mushy but wad i'm gonna tell you
are wad i'm feeling right from the bottom of my heart.

just wanna tell you this,

promises i've made to you i'll keep it close to my heart,
through thick and thin,
through good and bad times,
remember there's still me here all along with you,
to share your burdens,
to share your happiness,
to accompany you walk through the rest of your life.

loving you with my heart,
till the end of time. <3

Amanda shouted @ 12:31 PM