WHEN NOTHING ELSE MATTERS

Saturday, April 28, 2007

ytd was suppose to be a happy day since it's our birthday girl, ling's birthday.
there's another one joining the 19 year old's club.
btw ling, sorry for not getting you a better present, will make it up for you!
i'm late for like at least 2 hours and damn it, took a cab down which cost me 10 bucks!
watch the robinson with the bunch and though it's a cartoon comedy kind where laughters filled the air,
i didn't laugh a single bit. i just sit there for an hour plus without any expressions.
maybe i've not seen ling all for quite long le so tends to feel a bit awkward and uneasy,
i just dun have the mood to do anything....=(
oh yeah, the guys at the counter looks pretty cute though.
who says attached girls can't have any eye candies, at least to ling and me!
but dear, u are still the one i love. =)

after which we went shopping. i mean, my shopping.
look around for the stupid black pants and white shirts.
nothing really caught my eyes and the prices are really expensive.
luckily i managed to get 2 black pants from metro, all thanks to ling, hel and miao.=)
will be getting my shirts soon with dear say arh next week, tat's wad he promised me.
shit. i'm not prepared to go study, again!

waving goodbyes to ling and miao,
hel, ting and i went to have dinner in century square's food court.
actually plan to walk around before heading home,
but unfortunately something bad happened.
it seems tat hel met her last time de collegue in one of the shop so ting and i walked further up to like let them have a short conversation.
it happens that someone called out to ting, not sure it's hel or the collegue.
as to say, all 3 of them knew each other.
this bloody collegue of theirs exclaimed in a pretty loud voice,
" OH, THAT ONE DEN IT'S TING ARH? I THOUGHT SINCE WHEN TING BECOME SO FAT!!! "
mind you, the person she said fat is ME!!!!!!!!!!!
at first, i heard it and actually dismissed it off, walked back to where they are talking...
feel damn extra standing there when i dunno wad the hell they were talking about,
i walk around looking at shoes and clothes, away from them.
the more i think of it, the more pissed and angry i feels,
being called fat by a complete stranger, a auntie who is FAT as well in a public place where there's shoppers around and in the face of my 2 friends!!!!!!
can't she just fcuking used her fcuking brain to think before she blurt out anything she wants?
can't she talk softly and take a fcuking good look at herself before commenting?
can't she confirm which one is the one she knows before she talks?

i'm a human, made of flesh and blood.
i have emotions and feelings.
just a casual remark, even if you dun fcuking mean it,
be it good or bad, i take them seriously.
and the word " FAT" is super sensative to me.
a casual remark from someone who dun used her bloody brain really pissed me off totally.
like who is she to say tat when she herself is FAT too?
let's say the person is not me, just anybody,
how will the person feels?
naturally it's absolutely normal to be pissed and angry.
the words struck me and the feeling is like as if someone had use a dagger and stab right through my heart.
i feel so bloody hurt...
even if i'm really fat, must she said so clearly?
damn. i'm really unhappy bout this.
i wanna give her one tight slap and a hard punch on her face,
or maybe cut off her tongue so tat she dun get the chance to talk!!!!
it's just a thought, i'm not gonna do it.

it hurts so much tat i cry my heart out on the bus back home.
i have my pride and dignity too.
i didn't talk to ting and hel at all thought it's not their fault.
i show them attitude and ignores them.
how mean have i become?
i apologised to them and everything is fine now.
oh my.. why am i feeling all these?
why do i cry so much nowadays?

the mood swings are terrible. =(

Amanda shouted @ 4:29 PM